16 July, 2012

The sad and long goodbye -the lost piece 2


There is a line from a movie describing about heaven and hell. Not the most superior rated movie I ever seen, but some lines did tick the old grey matter of mine that needs stimulating. Could it be true that both of them are right here, right now and the only thing that matter is how we choose to live with it?
So it could simply be the deduction that we not need to travel back and forth in time to see how illustrative our past was or to look in the staring globes in hope to catch a sight of the future will become? Can it be that there is no past to explore? And could it be there is no future to predict?
Speaking of which, just recently I had to stay behind to do an on-call. A new admission, an old 96 year old, a bit deaf and a bit blind yet has this nasty volume and aggressive way with her mouth. A demented old lady, reminds me of Stan’s Grandpa in South Park a little, could not stop talking and scowling every minute of the hour. For the first hour, I felt sorry for the old lady. Then sorry began to turn to irritation, and then it shifted to anger and frustration. I lost my temper and feel into the trap by giving into temptation to argue with this senile old hag.
After a few hours later, having to witness and to bare with the heart breaking, nerve wrecking and arrogant peoples, one could not picture that they were once a part of a functioning institution. They had families, partners, grown up children, once perhaps played a significant role in the society, and yet, they are segregated from society. Who wants to live with a person who is aggressive and abusive with words? Yet alone be very arrogant and ignorant of other people’s feelings? And things just got better, that they were once the caring parents you knew, being an inspiration and the source of life wisdom, then gradually transforming to a fragmented individual, often can’t really remember anything but still able not to forget to hurt other people’s feelings by hurling criticizing comments and accusations.
When I returned home, I realised that one day, one of my uncles or aunt, or perhaps my mum would be next in line. How could I face the day when my own mother would not recognise me anymore? Just the thought of it makes me ever so sad yet alone to confront the sad and long goodbye.

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